Boundaries are a tricky subject simply because everyone has different ones. For someone who lacks personal boundaries, they might find themselves the center of other people’s aggression, frustration, rude remarks and even toxic behavior.
Learning to separate those behaviors with our boundaries is key. But what makes one person have healthy boundaries and the other an utter lack of them? One thought that pops into my head is learned parental behavior. I have found that most people who lack personal boundaries have learned this behavior as a child.
One with dignity and strength to start fresh. One with pride to do the things we never once thought we could ever do.
Toxic relationships with family members are everywhere and not only do they completely dehumanize a child, but they can also obliterate healthy boundaries. As a child you don’t necessarily get to decide what the appropriate reaction you parents should have. Instead you are left to suffer the abominable consequences of toxic behavior.
Too often I was vilified for speaking out against this behavior as a child. I knew this behavior was wrong. I knew the perfect picture my family portrayed was merely a facade, but I allowed it. I tolerated this behavior until I found a way to get out of it. Once gone I soon repressed these images and feelings deep down. No one would ever find out how embarrassed and violated my family made me feel.
It was only years later that these memories began to boil to the surface. I tried my absolute best to keep the lid on it but eventually the pot had spilled over. I saw my whole life change. Everything I kept telling myself about my family was a complete and utter lie. I witness my own personal relationships deteriorize in front of my eyes. I found out the hard way that my learned behavior was unforgivable. Most importantly, I learned what I lacked most; boundaries.
The lack of boundaries invited friends, family and even coworkers to take advantage of my trait. My reactions were nothing but normal to their condescending behavior. My issue was a lack of boundaries in order to prevent those actions.
Too often I was vilified for speaking out against this behavior as a child.
Learning to reinvent ourselves is a daunting task. One that not only strips you of everything you used to be, it also makes you extremely vulnerable to the stressors of every day life. Anxious feelings will arise as you slowly remove the tattered and torn shell you once wore. But given enough time you will emerge from that shell an awakened person. One with dignity and strength to start fresh. One with pride to do the things we never once thought we could ever do.
You all have this in you and it is your duty, as a proud man, to stand up for yourself and not allow these toxic traits to bring you down. You matter. You are great. And you will succeed past this dark time.
-The Lone Wolf
The Lone Wolf 